Crossing the Line

Prepare to go wherever your called if you pray for Gods guidance. Prayers do work when paired with real intention and belief. God really does work all things for Good.

Last Easter in my darkest time, out of options, I tried looking for Jesus, and found Him. I'd never really looked for Him before because I didn't realize I was lost until a couple years ago. I always believed in a creator of some kind, but I stubbornly thought I was doing all right on my own, until I wasn't.

Since then I have been discovering what it means to be saved. A great weight has been lifted knowing I'm not alone, even though my problems haven't gone away. Knowing its all real has changed me, steadily, and given me passionate purpose for Gods kingdom. I know my problems will be solved, in Jesus name, somehow, in His time.

I have committed to learning daily prayer and I now crave time with the Bible. It is freeing, but I still feel stuck, like something missing.

Lately the desire to worship the Holy spirit and go deeper, with others, has been rapidly growing stronger, but was a challenge to navigate. I explored my local churches but didn't feel Jesus there.

I was first introduced to Faithworks church as host to our Freedom Forum gatherings during COVID times. I felt hope there. I looked them up online and discovered they have a youtube. I started watching weekly and I knew that there was something there for me. But taking the next big step and physically going some Sunday proved to be another challenge, as each week an obstacle would keep me home and just watching online. But honestly for the best, because I'm not ready yet to open fully and ugly cry in front of strangers, like I do watching from my couch.

I trust when it's time for me to attend in real life, the obstacles will disappear, and sure enough Friday January 24th I had nothing but green lights. There was a 7:00 PM special revival worship happening over the weekend, so I attended. I saw a few beautiful familiar faces and I was glad I went. During the worship the message somewhat effected me, and I was moved to gentle tears a few times. Many were touched much deeper and I was grateful to be in His presence, I could feel the Power of the supernatural blessings in the room.

I had no plan of physically attending any of the 4 following sessions, as I’m home caring for my beloved sick dog, (and its 3hrs winter driving there and home), but I plan to watch online.

So on Saturday morning, waiting for the 2nd video to start, I got a random message from a new friend, that I don't know if I can trust, as I don’t know her very well but we share some common concerns. She reached out to offer me support, saying it takes a village, and we had a very nice conversation. I was grateful for her offer but unfortunately she has a different idea about how to help then I do, she doesn't want to cut new roads with salt, like God is telling me to do, she thinks we can fix the old ones again … but differently somehow.

With that on my mind, I opened youtube and the feeling came to me that I should watch last nights stream first, even though I was there and heard in person. But okay, I am learning to do what God suggests and stop arguing.

MOSES IS DEAD!!

BAM ….ugly cry.

It immediately made sense now with the new context of my recent conversation. I was overwhelmed with clarity and Jesus's love.

So I keep listening and he comes to the part about being hungry, that I heard last night and it resonated then but today it hit different. I have been so so hungry… not just for Jesus but for truth, justice, connection and peace. I've lost myself in my hunger a little bit. I suddenly had a vision of a sewing needle poking at everybody, starving for someone to offer me thread. A vision of creating a beautiful tapestry of unity that has the power to heal the world. Gods people sewn together with The Holy Spirit, overcoming the enemy, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

BAM… on the floor again.

I have literally, as my actual job for many years now, in spite of covid, been trying to bring people together with purpose. I received the words Call them in so often that I am certain it is Jesus. I am just not certain yet who is them? and where is in?

I finished the morning by continuing to read on from where the session left off in Jeremiah 29 through 33, for the first time… I cried hard for Rachels’ children and mine. When my senses returned I heard the radio faintly across the room “After all that we’ve been through, I will make it up to you, I promise you”

Bam, again

After I rested a bit I ventured back to youtube and on to session #2. When the realization set in that the session would be about speaking in tongues and prophesizing I admit I was glad I was not physically there, and I thought I might have gotten myself in over my head. But luckily I was home alone and decided why not, God wouldn't have led me here unless there is something in it for me. I have faithfully prayed every day since last Easter for guidance, that would be pretty pointless for me then to not follow all signs that are offered.

It took me a little bit to warm up, but once I got going, lol wow, it felt amazing. I prayed tongues and prayers over my children like I do every day begging for mercy for their souls and guidance on what God wants me to do for His kingdom, for all His children. I prayed tongues over my precious dog, who has brought me more joy and comfort than I knew was possible in very dark times. I sang and danced around the room, this, gratefully is normal behavior for me. God has blessed me with joyful gifts that have carried me when everything else left me. But I stopped dancing then because my knee started hurting again.

Then I finished watching the session, it was almost over when pastor Craig invited 4 newbies( like me), up to try prophesizing for someone in the room. I laughed when the first one said that she felt a dog, then I laughed out loud when the second prophecy was a sore knee! OK God haha I get it I hear you, but easily a coincidence, lots of people have dogs and sore knees; no doubt Steve the cameraman who they were prophesizing for probably does too. Then the third prophecy was a bird, a bird! No way! I had asked God to send me a bird sign last Easter, when The Holy Spirit found me and I tried to tell my husband about it… he said I was crazy. But then within two days there was a bird stuck in our porch, (unfortunately its wasn’t enough for hubby). But she didn't just prophesize a bird… she said a yellow bird, and although it was a magpie that was in our porch… I have a yellow bird, Woodstock, tattooed on my left leg. OK there's no way that's another coincidence!

BAM!!!

(Update- the morning after writing this, 1/27/25, God sent another bird into my little porch, a finch but not yellow).

The 4th prophecy was just a feeling, a tentative - restrictive feeling. No surprise that one hit hard too…

In the last few months, actually since my Easter rebirth, Jesus put a task on my heart that I know I have to do, even though It means crossing a line that I have been trying to avoid. I know that it will drive an even bigger wedge between me and my children. But I believe it would lead to healing, eventually, but taking that next step, knowing that I could completely lose my children (for a while at least), has been very restricting. The deep wounds of the last few years have changed me and showed me deeper pain than any I had ever felt. I know now sometimes God needs to make cuts to reshape us into His new creation. We come out stronger for it.

I have a very big light bursting out of me that I have been trying to dim, because I know that my 3 kids will not understand it. I suspect they will chose to act victim and claim more emotional harm to justify more division and disrespect. I have given my worries for them over to God. I cancel every tool of the enemy aimed at them daily in prayer, while I wait for them to find eyes to see through the darkness of their woke world.

But I know that I must do, what I must do. The Spirit is so strong, and I think this revival may have opened the floodgates! I hear Jesus everyday,*in my playlist, in my head, and everywhere I shine light. (*I will link in essay -Jesus in my Playlist, when done)

The more I align and trust God's plan, the more free I feel. I am loved, held, guided and never alone. There is a hard road still to travel, but I am certain it will be worth all the persecution and hate that I will receive, for the glory of Gods Kingdom on earth.